The formula for success couldn’t be simpler. The formula for success couldn’t be simpler. So, step-by-step instructions for those

My friend, Alice, wrote a list of 100 qualities of an ideal man and hid it in her closet. Incredibly, a man soon appeared in her life who almost completely corresponded to the ideal.

Admit it, you probably made a “magic” wish list? I will never believe that only Alice and I are writing down dreams. When I learned about the changes in her life, I wanted to make lists for all occasions.

I'm a coach and I find making lists useful. The only problem with them is selective efficiency. If you meet a stranger who is 98% of the qualities of the man of your dreams, then the remaining 2% could be hiding anything. For example, he may turn out to be a sociopath or an alcoholic.

And yet I believe in Alice’s story, because I have seen many “miracles” in my practice. If you were in my place, you would begin to believe in any fairy tales.

A simpleton friend married an investment banker. How did she do it? I'm much more beautiful

What is the secret of how lists work? Maybe their compilation is a thinking error? Or maybe desire actually has the ability to physically attract cherished objects in the real world? I think both options are correct.

I've seen bucket lists that have miraculously come true and ones that have gone nowhere. Understanding the difference between a "magic" list and its useless counterpart can be the key to life.

How magic lists DO NOT work

I don’t want to disappoint anyone, but not all our wishes and fears come true. If thoughts could actually physically change the world around us, then every plane with an aerophobic passenger on board would certainly crash and every lottery ticket would be a winner. And vice versa - people often suffer from things they never dreamed of, for example, diseases.

Just don’t say that all diseases are caused by nerves. I would never believe that babies with congenital diseases lie in their cribs and worry about their fate.

Everyone has read interviews with celebrities who, at the very beginning of their meteoric careers, “foresaw” that they would earn millions. But many people have similar dreams, even those who are unable to save up for their own funeral.

In contrast to Alice’s story, here is the text from an Internet blogger: “That’s it, I’m tired of it. I am stunningly beautiful, I am 25 years old. I want to marry a millionaire businessman. A simpleton friend of mine recently married an investment banker and now lives in Europe. How did she do it? I'm much more beautiful than my friend! How can I finally get married?

You can clearly imagine what qualities a girl dreams of in a man. If you write them down, you get a not long, but specific list: money, money and money again. Despite the clarity and precision of her desires, the girl has not yet managed to pick up a single client.

If magic lists really work, then why didn't this one work? I do not claim to be the ultimate truth, but I have a hypothesis.

How magic lists work

The power or uselessness of a bucket list depends on your level of awareness. Imagine your inner life as 3 concentric spheres lying inside each other. Let's call the outer circle "Shallow Water". This is the part of your consciousness that thinks about material things and the forces that control them.

Life in the Shallows

You perceive yourself as lonely and isolated, avoiding what scares you and pursuing what you crave. The age-old wisdom of peoples of all cultures suggests that an obsession with materiality does not lead to either psychological satisfaction or wealth of spirit.

No matter how rich you are, there is always a risk of losing everything. Remember the story of King Midas.

The lists made by the people of the Shoals reflect their obsession with things. Such lists are doomed to fail. Remember the case of the Stunningly Beautiful Girl. Her desire for an arranged marriage will scare off most men.

Even if she starts dating someone, it is unlikely that a permanent relationship will develop. But she won’t remain stunning forever.

Inner Peace

Fortunately, beyond the Shoal there is another realm that I call Inner Peace. We can achieve it, whether we are rich or poor, married or single, famous or unknown - it is part of our nature.

But we are so obsessed with the Shallow that we lose touch with Inner Peace. We feel the loss of this connection as an emptiness that we try to diligently fill with trinkets. Our culture, rooted in science and the European romantic tradition, presents material possessions or the ideal lover as the keys to happiness.

This is why so many relationships fail because of money. But nothing outside of us - not a thing, not a place, not another person - can “make” us happy.

Traditional spiritual practices teach returning to the sphere of Inner Peace: meditation, introspection, renunciation of material attachments, showing kindness and compassion. Adherents of such practices feel more calm, joyful and conscious.

None of the “logical” wishes came true, but almost everything on the “incredible” lists came true

Neuroscientists have found that such activities increase neural connections in areas of the brain responsible for feelings of happiness. If you write your wish list while in Inner Peace, it will work.

I have no explanation for this, but it happens: when my clients are in the Shoals, I know that their dreams will not come true. And when they talk about their cherished dreams, being in a state of Inner Peace, I feel something like a quiet click that says that their dreams will come true. I feel a difference in the way clients at different levels of consciousness talk about their dreams. And I felt this difference myself many times.

One day I found an old diary in which I wrote down my dreams. Some of them are obvious and probable, others are deep, but seemed impossible. I re-read the lists and realized that none of the “logical” desires came true, while almost everything on the “incredible” lists came true.

For example, soon after writing my first book, I felt a strong desire to write articles for smart, insightful readers. I knew nothing about publishing and did not formulate the dream in terms of journalism.

But two days later, an editor in New York came across my manuscript and convinced the editor-in-chief to hire me. And here I am, stunned, still driven by the “magic” of the magic list.

I spent 10 years working and unsuccessfully trying to publish a book. During this time, my “shallow” hopes disappeared without a trace, and the literary “I” became part of the Inner Peace.

Why did an incredibly busy editor suddenly find time to read a forgotten manuscript by an unknown author? Why would she try to convince someone else to hire me without benefiting herself? I don't have the slightest idea. But such things happen often, to me and to people around me, when we plunge into Inner Peace. Why don't we get into it right away? Because the Ring of Fire is blocking us.

Ring of Fire

For me, Ring of Fire is the searing feeling of losing our attachment to everything we love in the Shoals. Accepting loss paradoxically attracts gain.

One day, doctors announced to my friend Elena that she had less than a year to live. After the initial shock and rejection, and grieving over unfulfilled dreams, she put everything in order. Elena took care of how the children would live without her. She even researched the available options for a dignified end of life.

Then it turned out that the doctors were mistaken. Elena continues to live, but no longer in Shallow Water. According to her, detachment from material things opened up a different world for her. “It’s almost scary,” Elena admitted as we sat with friends in a cafe.

We gain the ability to focus attention on what is really important

“Everything I think about is in a hurry to materialize. I imagine the perfect home, job, events at school for the kids, whatever, and it comes true. I swear, I have a feeling that if I stretch out my hand and wish for an apple, it will appear.”

She held out her hand to illustrate her words. Another friend took an apple from her bag and put it in Elena's hand. We all laughed, albeit a little nervously.

Perhaps, when our superficial desires burn out in the Ring of Fire, we actually write down our most cherished dreams on the magical list. We gain the ability to focus attention on what is truly important.

I already said that I don't know exactly how it works. I can say one thing: if you renounce the temporary and wish for something, being in Inner Peace, I am sure you will feel the same “magic”.

about the author

(Martha Beck) - blogger, coach on “aesthetic life design”.

Raymond Martinez Fernandez was born on December 17, 1914, in Hawaii, into a Spanish family. Soon after his birth, the family moved to Connecticut. As an adult, Fernandez moved to Spain, married and had four children, abandoning them all in the later years of his life.

After serving in the Spanish Navy and British Intelligence during World War II, Raymond decided to look for work. When the ship he was sailing on crossed the American border, a steel hatch fell on Fernandez's head, breaking his skull and damaging the frontal part of his brain. This trauma may well have affected his social and sexual behavior. After leaving the hospital after treatment, Fernandez stole some clothes and ended up in jail for a year. In prison, one of his cellmates taught him the rituals of voodoo and black magic. He later claimed that black magic gave him an irresistibility and charm that no woman could resist.

Upon his release, he moved to New York City and began answering advertisements submitted by single women. He treated them to expensive wines and gourmet meals, and then stole their money and personal belongings. Most of the victims were too shocked to report to authorities. In one case, a ladies' man went on a trip with a woman to Spain, where he visited his wife and met two other ladies. His traveling companion died under suspicious circumstances, after which Fernandez took possession of her property by concocting a fake will.

In 1947, he met Martha Beck through an advertisement.

Martha Beck, born Martha Jule Seabrook, was born on March 6, 1920 in Milton, Florida. Due to problems with the glands, she was overweight and “mature” earlier than others. At trial, she claimed that she was sexually abused by her brother. When Martha told her mother about everything, the mother beat her, saying that her daughter was to blame for everything.

After graduating from school, Beck studied to become a nurse, but due to her excess weight it was difficult to find a job. She became an undertaker's assistant and prepared dead women's bodies for burial. Martha gave up this business, moved to California and was able to get a job as a nurse in a hospital. Her promiscuity eventually resulted in pregnancy. She tried to convince the child's father to marry her, but he refused. Pregnant and alone, Beck returned to Florida.

She came up with a legend for herself, claiming that she married a serviceman with whom she was expecting a child, but, unfortunately, her husband was killed during hostilities in the Pacific. The city believed her, so her touching story was even published in the local newspaper. Soon after the birth of her daughter, Martha became pregnant again with a bus driver named Alfred Beck. They got married and divorced six months later; Martha gave birth to a son.

An unemployed single mother with two small children in her arms was drowning in a fantasy world, reading women's novels and watching touching films. In 1946, she found work at a children's hospital. A year later, Raymond Fernandez responded to her advertisement for a search for a life partner.

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Fernandez came to her, staying with her for some time. She told everyone that she would soon get married. Probably because of the rumors about her and Fernandez, she was kicked out of the children's hospital, and Marta herself went to New York to see her “betrothed.” He liked the way Martha courted him, fulfilling his every whim, and he decided to tell her everything about his criminal activities. Surprisingly, Beck wanted to become his criminal partner, and sent the children to the Salvation Army orphanage. She introduced herself as the sister of Fernandez, who easily won the hearts of wealthy ladies, and was always very jealous, not wanting to share the “groom” with others. When Fernandez did sleep with the victims, Beck turned into a real beast.

In 1949, the criminal lovers committed three murders. Janet Fay, 66, became engaged to Fernandez and was staying in her Long Island apartment. When Beck caught Fernandez in Faye's arms, she hit her in the head with a hammer in a fit of rage, and then Fernandez strangled her. Fay's family began to suspect something was wrong, and the killers moved to another location in search of a new victim.

They traveled along Byron Center Road to Wyoming Township, Michigan, a suburb of Grand Rapids, to meet Delphine Downing, a young widow with a two-year-old daughter. The criminals stopped by Downing, who began to worry, and they drugged her with sleeping pills. Enraged by the child's crying, Martha began to strangle Downing's daughter, but did not kill her. Fernandez decided that Downing would be doubly scared when he saw signs of strangulation on his daughter, and then he shot the woman, still unconscious. A few days later, Martha became wound up again from the children’s tears, and drowned the baby in the bathtub. The killers buried the bodies in the basement, but suspicious neighbors reported the disappearance, and the police detained Martha and Raymond on February 28, 1949.

Fernandez quickly confessed, thinking he would not be extradited to New York. Michigan did not practice the death penalty, while the opposite was true in New York. But he was wrong. Both killers were extradited. They categorically denied having anything to do with the 17 other murders they were accused of, and Fernandez recanted, saying he confessed to three murders to protect Beck.

On March 8, 1951, the lovers were executed in the electric chair. Raymond's official last words were his declaration of love to Martha: "I want to shout it; I love Martha! What does the public know about love?" Martha stated: “My story is a love story. Only those who are tormented by love know what I mean... Imprisonment in the House of Death only strengthened my feelings for Raymond.”

The films "The Honeymoon Killers" (1970), "Profundo Carmesí" (1996) and "Lonely Hearts" (2006) are based on this incident. as well as an episode of the television series "Detective Rush" ("Cold Case").

Have you ever made a wish list? Coach Martha Beck explains how the “magic” of bucket lists works and how to use them to achieve the fulfillment of your most fantastic dreams.

My friend, Alice, wrote a list of 100 qualities of an ideal man and hid it in her closet. Incredibly, a man soon appeared in her life who almost completely corresponded to the ideal.

Admit it, you probably made a “magic” wish list? I will never believe that only Alice and I are writing down dreams. When I learned about the changes in Alice's life, I wanted to make lists for all occasions.

I work as a coach and find making lists useful. The only problem with them is selective efficiency. If you meet a stranger who is 98% of the qualities of the man of your dreams, then the remaining 2% could be hiding anything. For example, he may turn out to be a sociopath or an alcoholic.

And yet I believe in Alice’s story, because I have seen many “miracles” in my practice. If you were in my place, you would begin to believe in any fairy tales.

Understanding the difference between a "magic" list and its useless counterpart can be the key to your life

What is the secret of how lists work? Maybe making lists is a thinking error? Or maybe our desire actually has the ability to physically attract cherished objects in the real world? I think both options are correct.

I've seen bucket lists that miraculously came true and lists that came to nothing. Understanding the difference between a "magic" list and its useless counterpart can be the key to your life.

HOW MAGIC LISTS DON'T WORK

Just don’t say that all diseases are caused by nerves. I would never believe that babies with congenital diseases lie in their cribs and worry about their fate.

In this formula, A is, in fact, the success we strive for;

X - Silence (which is gold);

Y - Work, (labor, activity);

So, step-by-step instructions for those

who wants his wishes and dreams

were fulfilled.

First step. Stop chatting and discussing your problems and prospects with your friends. Especially with enemies. This way, you will be less likely to hear confusing advice and “horror stories” from the lives of losers retold by even bigger losers, intended exclusively for the ears of... losers.

Second step. Instead of chatting too much, start working on making your dreams come true. And always keep in mind the Chinese proverb: “A journey of a thousand ri begins with one step.”

Third step. When you get tired of the long journey to your dream, stop and play. Put into practice Joseph Murphy's advice: “To cure the disease called “Despondency,” turn within and feel yourself as you want to be.” Just - never sit idly by!

“Everyone who succumbs to sad thoughts will drown in the mire of sadness.”

If you can’t (tired) work now, play. Imagine what you want to have. Draw, fantasize, make a “Wish Fulfillment Map”! Write letters to the Universe, to Santa Claus, to yourself... Nothing gets rid of the blues like an honest attempt to return to childhood, when the trees were big...

Paste pictures cut out from magazines onto a large sheet of whatman paper, embroider the house of your dreams, write fairy tales...

Don't waste yourself in empty talk! Don't tell anyone about your plans! People love to pose as knowledgeable specialists in all fields and to be meticulous critics of other people's ideas!

Well, as soon as you have the strength, work, “move your feet” in the direction of your dreams!

And very soon you will run so far ahead that the whole world that surrounded you and caused nothing but troubles will remain far behind. And then, turning around by chance, you will see the dark tiny silhouettes of little men waving to you - these are those who recently filled your entire space, blocking the perspective and the clear blue sky. Don't stop, don't wait for them. After all, everyone follows their own path along the Road of Life....